I am apparently in a very weird place. Two of my coworkers are talking about their current ring shopping with their boyfriends and just from overhearing the conversation I just about burst into tears because I never got to go ring shopping. It has never bothered me before this moment, so I am not sure if it is something that upsets me on a very small level deep inside or if it is just a difficult day again and I am prone to cry at random other things that would normally not upset me. I know that it caused Josh immense sadness that he was unable to do a proper proposal and that he did not go ring shopping for me. The situation for our marriage was very circumstantial and I want to make it clear that I would not take back anything that would make it so that Rusty was unable to see us get married. I do not wish to change any part of my life, nor do I regret any of the decisions I have made. However, sometimes I do feel a little bit sad that I don’t have an amazing ring to show off to all the girls. My ring is mine and most days that is enough for me, it is a $50 titanium band with no ornamentation that we bought the morning of our wedding. Josh’s is a $25 stainless steel band with two rubber rings (pretty much o-rings) sitting in grooves in the metal. I don’t know if we will ever feel that it is worth the money to spend on new wedding rings. Today that thought makes me very very sad.
Continuing with this thought process, I would like to share the story of our three weddings, mainly because none of it is written down and it really should be. I am going to attempt to keep it as short as possible as this pretty much counts as my public journal (I do leave out a lot of extremely personal things because even though I think of this as a journal it is really an information line for those who want an update on our lives). Note: Scratch the “keep it short” comment, I wrote what I felt like writing, and it did not end up short at all.
Wedding #1 – January 14th, 2010
It began on January 12th when Josh’s father, Rusty, was taken to the ER for intense stomach pain. We were told that he had lung and liver cancer and would probably not live longer than two months. On the 13th after family intuitive thoughts and discussions Josh told me that he did not expect his dad to make it past two weeks. He said that this was not how he had intended to ask, and then asked if I would marry him so that his dad would be able to see his only son be married. I said yes. Josh then called my dad and asked if it was alright for him to marry me. Multitudes of tears were shed that afternoon, and we began to plan a quick wedding for January 24th. We hoped that this would allow enough time for family and close friends from out of town to make it to the wedding. Many years before this, a friend of ours had became a minister of a church through a website just to prove that he could, and at that time had offered to marry us. We called and asked if he really could legally marry us. He said that if we were serious about it, yes, he would get all the paperwork in order. By early evening, before we had started to call everyone about the wedding, Josh sadly told me that he did not think his dad would make it to the 24th. We needed to plan the wedding for a closer date. We chose Sunday the 17th. We called my family, most of whom lived in St. George. We called Josh’s friend Demeko in Oregon and his surrogate siblings, two of whom also lived in different states. Everyone was going to do everything in their power to be at our house on Sunday to see us get married. Late Wednesday night in deepest sadness Josh told me that he now did not expect his dad to last until Sunday, he asked if I would mind having the wedding the very next day. We called our friend who had agreed to marry us, he said he would overnight the paperwork he needed. Thursday morning, the 14th, Josh and I went to the local jeweler in Brigham City on main street and chose our rings. We then walked across the street to the court house to get the marriage certificate. Thursday night we had a very small wedding at the foot of Rusty’s hospital bed in the living room. There were 7 people in attendance. Rusty passed away Friday evening, January 15th.
Wedding #2 – January 17th, 2010
Because family and friends had already made plans to come to Brigham City for the wedding on Sunday we decided to go ahead with it, even in the wake of Rusty’s death. Saturday morning my mother flew up to the Salt Lake City airport where I picked her up and we went dress shopping. One of Josh’s “sister’s next door”, Ibis, drove down from Idaho with her tiny new baby and made me a bouquet as well as one each for my sister and friend. She also made corsages for the moms and boutineers for the guys. Josh borrowed a suit from next-door-brother-in-law Justin. Our friend Adam, who was ready to marry us a second time, had his sister make us a wedding cake, so we had a three tier pink wedding cake. Then Josh’s neighbors, the Lesters, purchased a wedding breakfast for us at a local diner called Burt’s Cafe. We were one of the first events to be held in their new banquet room, and it was already decorated because of a party the night before. It was the best buffet style breakfast I have ever had. This wedding was held in the game room up above the garage of the Marcus household. Josh and I spent Saturday night cleaning the room for the event. Sunday morning I drove down to our house in Ogden to get dressed. I had a little over an hour to shower and dress before my family arrived to help me finish my preparation. When I arrived home I quickly discovered that our roommate, during the days we had been away at Rusty’s deathbed, had been high on Meth and gone through our room and stolen a number of items. I confronted him briefly before starting to get ready. I spent the next few hours trying to not think about the unpleasant surprise I had just received, and other than Josh, who I called immediately after arriving, I did not inform anyone else of the problem for many days. I honestly am not sure whether I regret not having called the police in this matter. It ended up being around $2000 of items that were stolen or damaged. A large number were returned and a small amount of the money was paid. The remainder balance will never be paid, and that is now okay. Anyway, my stepmama did my hair and makeup in the kitchen and then my family all traveled up to Brigham. The ceremony was small and short and perfect. The guests consisted mainly of Josh’s family, as they were all around because of the death of Rusty. My siblings and parents were all present. A few of Josh’s friends were there, most of whom were invited at the last minute because of some circumstance or another. Demeko came down from Oregon just for a few hours and then flew back. The Lester family, minus Olivia and Todd who live in Maine and understandable could not come, were present for us. I had one friend present, as my maid-of-honor, who sadly faded from my life within the year. My only regret is that I would have preferred to have had my sister alone by my side, but Josh said I was only allowed to tell Anna about the wedding if she was my maid-of-honor, and with how close I was to her at the time I decided that it was an acceptable condition. After the wedding we had the wedding breakfast. At the end of the breakfast everyone headed their separate ways, Josh and I went back to Ogden to take care of the mess awaiting us.
That is laughter, not stomach pain.
Wedding # 3 – October 20th, 2010
The planning of the masquerade ball began about one year after we began dating. It started with a simple comment of, “When I get married I want it to be a big masquerade ball.” to which Josh replied, “Okay.” That was it, it was stuck to both of us as a permanent idea. Because we still wanted the giant party, and the real wedding had happened so quickly we decided it would be easier to tell everyone that we were engaged and that they all had 10 months to prepare their costumes. I know that a few people took us seriously and immediately began work on costuming, where a large number probably did not really think we would go through with the costume requirement of the party until they received the actual invitation. I found a fabulous girl at the WSU costume studio who was willing to make me a dress that I designed. We worked together for many months. It was exciting to be a part of the entire creation process. We went fabric shopping together. I made the leather belts and all the jewelry. I made both masks for myself and Josh, as well as doing the leather work for three other masks (my sister, brother-in-law and Josh’s mom). It was turned out to be more difficult to find someone willing to tailor a suit to specifications different from any regular styles. The final design was created by Josh wearing the jacket we had picked out and I drew the design for the new lapels with tailor’s chalk. Both of our costumes could not have been more perfect.
The party was a lot of planning and preparation, as we handled everything ourselves. We had Crepe’s Etc cater with a selection of Pumpkin, caprese and artichoke crepes. We also had a selection of Zeppe’s Italian Ice served, black cherry, peach, coconut and orange cream. We hired a fire troupe, Incendiary Circus to be our entertainment and a friend from the costume studio, B.J. agreed to be our court jester. We had a fire scare, but not in the way you would think. Two weeks before the event we went to a meeting to make sure everything was going according to schedule and make the final payment on the location. We were told at the meeting that we were not allowed to have fire in the building, even though we had cleared it with them in January. Sometimes I feel that most people just don’t take our outlandish ideas seriously. We had to arrange a meeting with the building director, the fire marshal, and the troupe leader. That meeting went fine, even though it was merely a week before the wedding, so very stressful until it was finished.
My stepmom, once again, was amazing and did my hair and makeup for me. A few weeks previous she had the brilliant idea to put purple streaks in my hair to go with my dress. I absolutely loved it! Josh spent the first few hours of the day transporting decoration items to the location and directing my mom on what needed to be done so that he could leave to get ready. We got dressed together in the bride’s room at the Union Station. Then we did a quick photo shoot around the outside of the building before the event was to start. Pictures mean a lot to me, and paying for the best photographer I could find was worth every penny. Terra of Magnifique Photography is one of the best photographers I have ever had the pleasure to meet. She is worth twice what I paid, but I’m glad she doesn’t charge that much or I could never have afforded it. This was one of the few things that I refused to budge on. I found my photographer and she was who I had to have.
As for the actual ceremony, Adam once again presided and performed the wedding ceremony for us. We read vows that had been written by some of his high school students for us. I wonder if he ever told the students that what they wrote were used in a actual wedding ceremony. My brothers somehow turned into the DJ’s for the evening, which was ever so greatly appreciated. My only regret from this evening is that I did not get any photos with my family. I was too busy running around socializing and making sure everything was going well, as well as trying to actually watch the performers.
At the end of the evening a few friends a family stayed to help us do all the cleanup. Everything was loaded into the back of our truck and trailer and then we drove it home and unloaded everything that needed to be unloaded that night.
I think that is a fair account of the three Marcus weddings. Not everyone can say that they have been married three times, to the same person and all within one year. I hope that gives us that extra bit of adhesive for our relationship. Everyone can do with a little extra help, right?